Wet Laughcidents (laff-sid-ent)

Holding a glass of water or juice,

I have an accident.
Hearing a joke I'll hold my glass a bit loose
I have a laughcident.

A laughcident is by definition known
as an accident that occurs when something tickles your funny bone.

This time there was a laughcident I couldn't control,
A laughing accident I hated.
Laughing so hard it shook my body whole...
I urinated.

I know laughter's a good thing, but I just found a flaw
bolted to the bathroom before somebody saw

Grabbed a towel, started dabbing at my crotch
All that really did was spread the wet blotch

I looked down again in disbelief
Why couldn't I have waited to get some relief?

When it hit me at once, it was right before my eyes!
All there was to do was start telling some lies

I boldly stepped from the bathroom yelling "Look! I spilled my drink!"
spent the night in my pee pants, nobody stopped to rethink.

So next time you see a guy who supposedly spilled a drink on his pants, don't trust him. He's probably a liar.

In The John

Open the door, close it
lock the door I'm free
Content I turn around
Drop my drawers with glee

The seat is so cold
I sit down. It's so clean
Comfortably flip through
the nearest magazine

Get a call from my girl
Pick it up. Might as well
We're only on the phone
She won't detect the smell

I mean what's the point in being
the king upon the throne
If a king is not allowed
to even talk on his phone

End the call, finish the page
And now I'm almost done
I think I've been here for an age
But hey, I had the runs.

Absentmindedly reach for the roll
Oh no, there's nothing there
"I need toilet paper!"
Nobody seems to care

Finally someone comes
But it's been a couple hours
I say "Thanks for bringing some"
as I pull on up my trousers

Wash my hands once or twice
This is like my second bedroom
Cause there is no point in enjoying life
If you can't enjoy the restroom