I Wish I Were an Asshole

I wish I were an asshole
All the girls would love me
Cause they love when you insult them
But won't expect you to hold them
Yes only if I were an asshole
But definitely not a jerk
Because assholes don't really work a lot
But the customers still think they're hot
And they still get a raise in the end
But the jerks, they just get fired again.

Oh if I were an asshole I'd have it in the bag
But I definitely don't wanna be a douchebag
Compensating with their souped up trucks
Cause the fact is they aren't big enough
Oh douchebags deserve to be struck
By assholes.

I wish I were an asshole
But the fact is deep down I actually have a heart
Once or twice I've been called sweet and endearing
Which are always words that are hard to be hearing
Because deep down assholes have the key to success
Love or hated? They could care less
I wish I could lie and call her fat in that dress
But instead I'm honest and tell her she looks the best.
Oh I simply wish that I were an asshole.